


in various degrees of tenderness and desperation

by larryhaylik



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boyfriends, Established Relationship, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, M/M, Rimming, a bit of, bottom!Shoma, top!Yuzuru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryhaylik/pseuds/larryhaylik
Summary: "Could we- could we try a- a switch?""A swish?" Yuzuru slurs into Shoma's T-shirt. He's intrigued, but not awake enough to be connecting any dots. It really has been a long week.Shoma hums his affirmation. "I want- I want to try it.""Okay," Yuzu says. Shoma so rarely says what he actually wants that Yuzu would be willing to go along with just about anything even though his brain is too glazed over to comprehend. "Try what?"
Relationships: Yuzuru Hanyu/Shoma Uno
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	in various degrees of tenderness and desperation

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see. I hope you're all doing okay. Have fun with it ~~

"Yuzu?"

"Yeah?" Yuzuru mumbles, half asleep, into Shoma's neck. It's been a long day and an even longer week and every bone in his body hums with exhaustion. The duvet is soft on his skin and Shoma's body is warm and he's so, so close to drifting off.

"I-" Shoma cuts off, wriggling. The displeased whine is out of Yuzu's mouth before he can even think about it. "Sorry," Shoma whispers and settles. With the last dredges of energy, Yuzu shuffles down, under the blanket, and presses his face into Shoma's side, sighing contently. Shoma used to find this position weird, he knows, but it's been a while and Yuzu really likes to fall asleep this way. Compromises were made.

He has almost forgotten Shoma wanted to say something when his voice comes up again, a little muffled over the duvet.

"I wanted to ask-" Shoma tenses, inhales, relaxes. Yuzuru can feel it in all its physicality from where he is. Distantly, he wonders what has Shoma in such knots. Everything has been fine lately. A bit busy, but fine.

Yuzuru grips the hem of Shoma's shirt, folding his hands and resting his head on them. His nose is brushing Shoma side as he hums and waits.

"Could we- could we try a- a switch?"

"A swish?" Yuzuru slurs into Shoma's T-shirt. He's intrigued, but not awake enough to be connecting any dots. It really has been a long week.

Shoma hums his affirmation. "I want- I want to try it."

"Okay," Yuzu says. Shoma so rarely says what he actually wants that Yuzu would be willing to go along with just about anything even though his brain is too glazed over to comprehend. "Try what?"

Shoma stills. Yuzu can hear him frowning.

"Switching," he says carefully. "I want to try bottoming."

 _Bottoming_ , Yuzuru ponders, the meaning and implications dripping honey-slow, and his limbs are so heavy. _He wants to bottom..._

Something clicks, though _click_ might be too violent a word. Something finally brushes against another something, a swift short tap, and Yuzu thinks, _oh_.

"Why now?" Yuzuru asks the next day over breakfast. 

They've been together, with a couple of breaks, for four years, and never once in those four years has Shoma hinted at being interested in bottoming. He loved playing with Yuzuru's ass at any given occasion, much to Yuzu's happiness, and he loved being eaten out, but he got squirmy whenever Yuzu's fingers wanted to join the fun and that was enough for Yuzu to stop trying. He was happy with what they had, he was comfortable getting fucked in half a hundred different ways and if he never got to top Shoma, so what.

"Don't know," Shoma says, sipping his tea like this is just another morning conversation. "It just finally... hit the limit, I guess."

"What hit the limit?"

Shoma looks at him, sighs. Puts down the cup.

"I don't think you realise just how much of a bottom enthusiast you are," he says. Yuzuru chokes on his rice.

"What?" he wheezes. Shoma passes him a glass of water, and he takes a grateful sip.

"Every time we're together, I see you fall apart. It does something to me," Shoma explains, steady like's describing a math problem and how to logically solve it. Yuzuru faintly wonders how on Earth did he ever think this man was shy. 

"I've never wanted to do it before because, I guess, I thought there was no need, there was time, I didn't want it that much. That sounds bad," he sighs. "I'm not doing a good job of explaining it. What I mean is, most times when I top, you look like you're having the time of your life and I'd like to see what it's like." Shoma frowns. "That sounded even worse," he mutters, hiding his face in the teacup.

Yuzu gives himself a second. He sees where Shoma is coming from, mostly. He is pretty vocal about his pleasure and as much as he loves blowjobs and rimming, it never gets better than Shoma's fingers - or dick - in him. 

He likes feeling full, sue him.

"I just never thought you'd be into it," Yuzuru finally says, clicking his chopsticks together. "You've always, I don't know, shied away from it?"

"I guess I did," Shoma concedes after a moment like he just went back to all the applicable instances and re-evaluated them. "But it's like I said. It's just never felt like something especially important, or, you know, pressing."

"But it feels like that now?" Yuzu asks, head tilting.

"I don't _need it_ , need it, if you don't want it," Shoma hastens to clarify. "I'm happy as we are. It just- feels like a good time now." He finally looks a bit uncertain, finally blushes a little. For some reason, that's what makes Yuzu breathe more freely.

"Okay. If you're good, I'm good." 

Shoma smiles at him over his bowl, traces of pink on his cheeks, and Yuzuru softens all over.

They've been together for four years. That's approximately three years and nine months of intimacy in various degrees of tenderness and desperation. They've done so much together, been each other's firsts in so many ways; Yuzuru knows Shoma better than anyone else in the world and he's sure it goes the other way around, too.

 _And yet_ , Yuzuru thinks as he sits at the edge of the bed, Shoma's spread thighs bracketing his, their hands entwined between them. Yuzu's heart is hammering away because this is a new turn on a familiar road and it's so exciting he could whoop. Instead, he grips Shoma's waist and pulls him closer. Shoma goes with a hitch of breath. He's nervous, Yuzuru can see it in tension in his fingers, feel it in the muscles in his back. It won't do.

Sliding his hands down to Shoma's ass, he stands. Shoma's too heavy for Yuzuru to hold up for a longer period of time, but he can manage just fine when he needs to swap places. Shoma's flush grows brilliant once Yuzu deposits him back on the bed, fingers digging into the duvet.

"Pretty," Yuzu smiles. The answering scoff is much expected. "Up," Yuzuru says, letting Shoma move before crawling up over him. He loves being close like this. If they didn't have a plan for today, he'd be perfectly content just laying skin against skin for the next hour, hearing Shoma breathe.

Yuzuru lets his fingertips wander down Shoma's side to his thigh, bringing the leg around his waist. They settle against each other a little more and Yuzuru hums happily, nosing along Shoma's neck before he bites - gently, because Shoma doesn't appreciate the pain nor the marks as much as Yuzu does. With a deep sigh, Shoma goes pliant underneath him.

"Still good?" Yuzu asks.

"Haven't done much yet," comes the reply and then a yelp when Yuzu pinches Shoma's side.

"Smartass."

Shoma tightens his legs around Yuzu, pushing him forward. Pleasure sparks across his skin and Yuzu groans.

"Fine, fine, point taken."

Shoma's hold loosens a tad as he brings Yuzu down for a kiss. This, they've always been good at, even the first time. First sex, no, that was awkward as hell and Yuzu shudders just remembering it, but kissing - yes.

He leaves Shoma laying on the pillow and drags his mouth down Shoma's chest. Shoma isn't much of a nipple guy, Yuzuru was saddened to discover, but his belly is a completely different matter and it still catches Yuzu by surprise how violently Shoma reacts if Yuzu sucks at the skin there. Or lets his fingers dance over it. The initial _o-oh_ always turns into soft whines and trembling muscles and Yuzu could do this all day. Shoma's leg slips away as Yuzuru caresses his way down, pushing Shoma's thighs apart. He kisses the sensitive skin, once, twice, before dropping to his elbows to lick at Shoma.

A quiver runs through Shoma's body and Yuzu would grin if his tongue wasn't out. This- this is still familiar. Something they've done before countless times because Shoma loves the feeling and Yuzuru loves to watch him fall apart. He holds Shoma open with his thumbs, other fingers digging into the skin and Shoma's hips jerk up for a second before he pushes back down, against Yuzuru. There's a soft sound like cloth tearing; Shoma's nails against the duvet, Yuzuru assumes. He presses the point of his tongue in, shallow, teasing, listens to Shoma's frustrated huffs for a while before pushing deeper, feeling Shoma tense and then mellow out, tense again, and relax. When Shoma's muscles start to shake, he pulls back.

Shoma is a vision. He always is, as far as Yuzuru is concerned, but there's something spectacular about the sheen of sweat covering his skin, eyelashes trembling against his red cheeks. Yuzuru sits back on his heels and waits. After a moment, Shoma opens his eyes.

Yuzuru holds up a bottle of lube. Shoma's face fills with confusion before he remembers and nods, spreading his legs further apart, hands gripping the bedsheet. Yuzuru runs his palms up and down Shoma's thighs a few times, feeling Shoma settle in his skin.

"Sure?"

"Sure."

Yuzuru coats his fingers and rubs at Shoma's already wet entrance before the tip of one digit easily sinks in. Shoma clenches around him so hard Yuzuru hisses in surprise and just like that, all the tension Yuzu so carefully stripped away returns.

"Hey, _hey_ ," Yuzuru says, quietly. The moment feels fragile enough to shatter if he speaks too loudly. "Breathe."

Shoma breathes. His eyebrows draw together as he slowly arches his back and wiggles. What exactly he's doing, Yuzuru has no idea, but it seems to be helping as he relaxes a notch, though not enough.

Slowly, Yuzu pulls his finger out. It drags, despite the lube. _This can't feel good_ , Yuzu thinks, unsettled. He wants it to be good for Shoma because Shoma was right when he said Yuzuru was a bottom enthusiast. He loves the feeling. He wants Shoma to experience it too. 

"Talk to me."

Shoma blinks his eyes open. He takes a deep breath but stays quiet; Yuzuru can see him search for explanations.

"What does it feel like?" he nudges.

"Vulnerable."

Yuzuru's blood goes cold. His clean hand falls on Shoma's knee, a gentle caress, maybe a bit of an apology.

"How so?"

"It's like I'm on display," Shoma says, eyes falling shut again. His hand twitches on the duvet and Yuzuru reaches out for him, tangling their fingers together. "When you- when you rim me, that's fine. You can't really see me. Like this," he makes a broad gesture with his other hand, "it's like I'm exhibit A in the science museum."

Yuzuru can't help it. He giggles. Shoma's lips twitch. Sighing, Yuzu bends down to press a kiss against Shoma's belly. He doesn't really understand. Yuzu himself adores the attention, adores having eyes on him; it's easy for him to forget that not everyone is like that.

"What do you want to do?" 

"Let me on the top?"

"Sure." Yuzu slides his arms below Shoma just as Shoma wraps his legs around him and then he has a lapful of a boy. Although Shoma is some fifteen centimetres shorter, like this, Yuzuru has to tip his chin up to kiss him and as Shoma's arms wind possessively around his neck, he suddenly gets it a bit better, he thinks. It wasn't really about vulnerability in general; it was more about the lack of control in a new situation. 

Yuzuru runs his palms down to the small of Shoma's back and presses them together. However much Yuzu likes to go slow, take his time and tease, it does feel like heaven to just give in and rub against each other for a while. 

"Okay, okay," Shoma finally says, breathing heavily as he grips Yuzuru's shoulders. 

"Okay." Reaching for the lube again, Yuzu puts some on his fingers and sneaks his hand below Shoma.

"Lift up," he instructs. If a little control is what Shoma needs now, control is what Yuzu is going to give him. 

Shoma braces on his knees, pushing himself up a bit. Yuzuru traces his entrance with a wet fingertip and then stops.

"You do it," he says. Shoma stills, giving Yuzuru an inquisitive look. Yuzu pecks his lips a few times in response. "When you're ready."

It only takes a minute. Cautiously, Shoma moves his hips, rubbing against Yuzuru until he takes a breath and bears down, slowly, oh so slowly. He's still a little loose, Yuzuru notes distantly. He can't tear his eyes away from Shoma, the way the muscles in his stomach tense and release as he moves, the way his lips are parted just a bit, small noises escaping them.

Yuzuru curls his finger, lets it graze against the walls. Shoma's hips jerk.

"Bad?"

A shake of the head. Good. He twists his wrist and curls again. The answering moan is sweeter than Yuzuru ever remembers them being.

"More," Shoma asks and Yuzuru obliges. The fit is tighter and Yuzuru has to swallow several times, his chest compressing when it occurs to him that he's the only one Shoma has ever allowed to do this.

Shoma's thighs begin to tremble so instead of keeping himself halfway up, he sits all the way down, pressing Yuzuru's hand into the sheets. Yuzu knows his wrist is going to hurt after this and he doesn't care, not when Shoma starts to move his hips in tight circles instead.

"Another." Yuzuru does and Shoma gasps.

"You like it," Yuzu says, laying his palm on Shoma's side. His skin is burning and it fills Yuzuru with satisfaction.

"You too," Shoma murmurs back, fingers sliding from Yuzu's shoulder down across his flushed chest to where his cock is resting against his stomach. He presses his finger to the head and Yuzuru's whole body jerks forward. Shoma grins. Yuzuru's eyes narrow and he probes with his fingertips until the texture changes and he curls his fingers into it. Shoma shouts. Freezes. 

They stay like that, Shoma wide-eyed, staring at Yuzuru who feels equally surprised. Out of the two of them, Yuzuru is the loud one. He presses his fingers forward again, gently at first and then harder, watching as Shoma screws his eyes shut. There's a long shaky inhale as he straightens his spine until it arches.

"God," Yuzuru whispers, his nails burying into Shoma's hip.

"Let up," Shoma gasps. Yuzuru immediately complies and Shoma sags into him, chest expanding with short little breaths. Yuzu kisses the side of his throat, the mad beat of Shoma's blood tingling against his lips, and feels lightheaded. That was a lot. That was so much.

"Okay?" Yuzuru asks when his own pulse simmers down to double digits.

"I think so," Shoma mumbles against his shoulder. "Give me one more minute."

Yuzuru kisses his neck again and runs one hand against his back, trying to ignore the heat surrounding the other. Shoma stirs.

"Alright," he says and pushes himself upright. Gravity pulls him against Yuzuru's fingers again and Yuzu basks in the small moan it pulls out of him, eyes so bright they look feverish. "I'm really close so if we could proceed _fast_ , that'd be great."

Yuzuru's dick twitches at the words, a reminder of what they actually wanted to do and that Yuzu has barely been touched. 

"Like this?" he inquires, his hands coming down to clutch Shoma's ass and hitching him forward. Their dicks brush together and they both gasp.

"Yeah."

"Can you reach them?"

Shoma nods and stretches back to get the box of condoms. He tears the foil himself and when he rolls it down, Yuzuru can't stop the moans and whines falling from his lips. He feels more than sees Shoma's grin.

"Stop it," he complains, batting his hand against Shoma's sternum. "It's been forever."

"I know," Shoma says, but the smile is still audible. Yuzu sighs.

"Come here, you." 

Shoma comes and Yuzuru cranes his head up to kiss him, softly, to make up for the adrenaline, but when Shoma sneaks his hand down to grip Yuzuru's dick again, the urgency grows like an air balloon. Shoma shuffles forward, Yuzuru grasps at the sheets and then Shoma is sinking, one soft breath at a time.

Yuzuru hasn't been inside anyone for years and the sensation catapults him back to his first time, a local girl during a competition, and then to his one and only summer fling, a guy from the tech department at the shows. They were both hot, tight, a pleasure. Shoma feels incomparably- _better_ isn't the right word, but Yuzu can't look for a different one now. He pulls Shoma as close as he can possibly go, feels the shivers racing up and down his skin. He's clenching around Yuzu, figuring out how to relax, and it's so difficult for Yuzu to stay still.

A beat, a breath, another round. Shoma's fingers sneak into Yuzuru's hair and grip tight when he lifts himself up and slides down again. Yuzuru groans, eyes blinking open, and groans once more. Shoma is pressing his other hand against his stomach as if he can feel him, which is ridiculous, but it has to be doing something for Shoma because he relaxes into it, builds a rhythm. Yuzuru leans back on his hands and meets Shoma next thrust. There's a catch of breath and then Shoma braces his palms on Yuzuru hipbones, holds him down.

"Wait," he groans out. Yuzuru shivers and waits, lets Shoma do as he pleases. He wishes he could participate more, but it seems to feel good for Shoma and it does feel good for him, too, Shoma's body heavy on him, burning hot, slick as he moves. Yuzuru reaches down to take Shoma's hand in his.

"Close," he croaks out, back arching when Shoma's thrusts get harder. Shoma moves their hands to the bed, leaning forward as he does.

"Now," he whispers and Yuzuru's hips come up before the words fully process. It's so much, again, so, so much, and Yuzuru can feel his heart beating away wildly, Shoma tight around him, Shoma pressing his wrists into the bed, Shoma bending down to kiss him, so much.

He comes with a moan, unabashed, drawn-out, and Shoma slows down to let him catch his breath. When Yuzu opens his eyes, Shoma's lips are quirked in a small smile, his dick still hard against his stomach. Yuzuru wonders when the situation took a turn and he ended up being the one who felt completely wrecked.

"You know," Shoma says, giving a thrust that has Yuzuru whining and swatting at Shoma's thigh. "I think I like this."

"Thinking of becoming a bottom enthusiast?" Yuzuru asks, parroting Shoma's words. The conversation feels a million years ago.

"Maybe," Shoma teases, fingertips dancing over Yuzuru's stomach. "In any case, stop talking and put your mouth back on me."

And Yuzuru does.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I happy with it? Nope. I'm glad it's done? God yes.
> 
> [tumblr](https://www.larryhaylik.tumblr.com)


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